Wint's Life

2005-12-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

was reading my own 2004 december post.. muhahahahah.. feel liek laughing at myself.. julian... thanx for changing ur attitude 360degree after a yr.. time flies man.. wat u mention in ur blog i really dun feel like thinking much abt it.. u're still fine in april and aug but y suddenly change.. weird...

if i knew - julian

2005-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time That I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, Well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything just right.

There will always be another day to say "I love you," And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

2005-11-20T00:06:00.000-08:00

im juz a mental person hu like to nag nag nag all my relationship problem and alot question as that will make mi feel better..

life for mi now is to work from monday to friday and need to attend coures and seminar on weekend.. have u ever tried toking to kids ur name more than 20times and not all kids rem.. when u tok to them they juz stare at u and u're wondering they understand anot.. it's not physically tired but mentally tired.. juz feel like relaxing after work and dun feel like much toking.. even doing herbalife needs to repeat the same thing over and over again.. i know i choose this path and i cant complain.. but when i complain out, i'll feel better.. but now i understand, it's not everyone can accept listening to my complain or maybe i complain too much..

for mi, i always told my china fren.. sry and thanx can make mi forgive someone.. but i've forget tat not everyone can accept it.. when i've said sry and the person is still angry, teach mi how to do.. as for mi, maybe after a period of cooling down will make the whole matter better ba..

2005-11-13T22:58:00.000-08:00

i dun giv a damn abt wat they said.. juz dun understand wat are they toking.. from the history msg i find, he got once ask mi the bbq fun anot which i my fren close the msg log.. and the other one is that he told mi tht he didnt hab his eng note and it is after his exam le.. abt calls, maybe i forget but i juz simply cant rem that he did call mi to ask back his eng note lohz.. for the information.. when did i said u snatch my fren.. muhaha.. weirdo ppl alot.. included mi!! cause i got mental problem.. better dun come near mi hor.. haha..

close some of my sales, but some still dragging on.. teaching playgroup is damn mentally stress as i need to repeat my words more than 20 time to the kids then they understand.. hab to keep repeating the same thing to customer.. hab to attend lesson and seminar more than 8hrs de..

2005-10-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

i wish.. wish i nv saw him today.. spoilting my mood oni.. y am i still crying over him.. I HATE MYSELF..

2005-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

important stuff in my life for now..
1 - curl my hair [ which i hab juz rebond it.. haha.. wasting money ]
2 - get him out of my life and make lots of money
3 - eat herbalife and slim down more
4 - make myself more pretty..
5 - be myself
6 - live to the fullest
7 - get more ppl to share with them herbalife [ no matter how much rejection i got, i muz able to face it.. STRONG GAL I MUST BE ]

2005-10-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

i guess i didnt wrong.. he's in love with her.. but.. it's oni my guessing.. cause he didnt told mi anything.. it's alright.. im still trying very hard to got him out of my mind..

2005-10-19T11:56:00.001-07:00

dunno wat to said.. everything is so funny.. is he happy with his life now?? he juz back from hong kong.. think he gone for 5days.. sometimes.. i juz wish that i didnt knew so much things.. feeling very down.. i wasnt happy at all.. hope god will answer my prayer..

2005-10-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

he went to hong kong with that ger.. he is living good.. he didnt regret.. even if i cry, is because im happy for him.. hope he is living good..

my life as usual.. nth special..

2005-10-16T01:05:00.000-07:00

am i been brainwash?? i dunno.. let fate make da decision ba..

here i am.. playing with kiki.. makes my mood better..

2005-10-06T02:17:00.000-07:00

n level coming.. study till i wanna cry.. dunno wat to said.. he is living good.. So am i...

2005-09-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

alot of memories juz flash back.. i wondering.. where did he go today? it's gg to rain soon.. in the past, he will rush to my hm b4 rain and slack together.. now.. i dun even know where did he go..

i wondering.. did he still kept the heart which i fold for him ma? i dunno..

i hate him.. tears still flowing.. 2months le.. im not much better..

2005-09-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

2month had pass le.. life still go on as usual.. i hab change back all his password back to original le.. but dunno did he reliase.. jo ask mi y i change back.. maybe anger has lessen and.. disappointment ba.. the way he treat mi, i will nv forget.. pui!

2005-09-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

didnt expected this kind of things happen to mi.. haiz...

2005-09-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

alot things happen recently.. fucking bad mood.. stupid auntie still come so long.. argh.......

2005-08-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

juz pop 3 sleeping pills.. hope to hab a good nite slp.. didnt eaten anything this 2days except the 2 cake he brought..

2005-08-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

How Do I Live

how do i
went through a nite without u
if i hab to live without u
wat kind of live would i be

i need u in my arms need u to hold
if my world my heart my soul
if u would believe
maybe u will take away everything good in my life
and tell mi now

how do i live without u
i want to know
how do i breath without u
if u will let go
how do i ever
ever survive

how do i
how do i
oh how do i live

without u
there's been no sun in the sky
there will be no love in my life
there be no world that for mi
and now
oh baby i dunno wat i will do
i'll be lost if i lost u
if u will believe
oh baby u will take away everything need in my life
and tell mi now

how do i live without u
i want to know
how to i breath without u
if u will let go
how do i ever ever survive

how do i
how do i
oh how do i live

oh pls tell mi baby

2005-08-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

one day had juz past like that.. slp and study..

2005-08-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

blank in mind.. i wanna save back the r/s de.. but.. i dun dare to sms him dun dare to call him.. cause i dun wanna anymore cold shoulder from him... my fren ask mi.. "u really like him ma?" i of coz said yes.. but.. i dun wanna take anymore 1st step.. im scared.. i dunno wat kind of reaction he will gib back to mi.. didnt contact after my mum call him.. and he hab change his status to complicated.. wat does this mean? is he chasing another ger.. and the ger rejected him thats y he put complicated.. or.. mi.. i dunno.. ppl ard mi all said.. he muz be chasing another ger.. but i trust him.. he wont de.. but y he put complicated?

he didnt online often.. where does he go? wat is he doing? y he got court marshal? is he chasing another ger? he still like mi ma? y he treat mi so cruel? wat is he thinking? does he wanna save back the r/s liek the i wanna? is he sad? he really dun like mi le ma? he no longer hab anymore happy memeories abt us le ma? wat has happen ard him recently? y is he so stress? y he doesnt wanna share his unhappiness with mi? izzit really end le ma? does he know im so sad? wat has happen to mi? y am i so unhappy? he miz mi ma? SO MANY QUESTION MARK IN MY MIND.. i hate this feeling..

went to church today.. is fu chow church.. dun really enjoy much there but my aunt said it will help to recover mi more faster.. y not i try.. right.. i tried my very best to forget him in order not to continue liek this now.. the oni thing i enjoy is there is a child playgroup.. there de kid very very cute and i really love kid alot alot lohz.. my aunt intend to acc mi go in and play with the kids there but she forget.. she said can volunteer go there play with them or rather teach them.. haha.. im gonna try.. so excited.. seeing kids playing happily can let mi forget all abt him..

memories are still haunting mi alot.. it's so scary..

2005-08-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

do u know y i hate u so much.. cause u.. i need to go to IMH to see doc..so scary gg there seeing alot kind of ppl.. u know this kind of pain and suffering ma.. ppl blame mi.. y i dun wan to forget u.. but they dunno i hab tried my best.. they oni worsen my mood oni.. it's impossible to start all over again and i need to find a solution alone.. i went to tok to the doc.. take slping pills, anti depression pills and pills to calm down my emtional.. i dun think anyone reading this actually believe i'll be so sad ba.. i myself cant believe too.. it's hard to change my mindset.. it hard to forget u.. it's hard not to let my heart bleed.. i believe after big pouring rain, i will see rainbows again de.. i will wait for da rainbow to appear as it wont happen so soon ba..

dun treat mi so cruel.. the email i sent to u, u didnt even look at it and delet into the trash bin.. i know i shouldnt go and see ur mail.. but pls let mi slowl adapted that u're not beside mi.. i still not used to it that i dunno wat are u doing.. u make mi think that u're sad as we broke off.. but at the same time, u treat mi cold.. love mi for hu i am.. y u wanna change mi? im confused..

eating slping pills thn i can slp.. hope i wont get addicted ba.. taking care of kiki alone is very tiring.. i need to be independant again.. i juz really hope u're not same as the other guys out there..

2005-08-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

i nv tot that i will fall so hard for someone b4.. enough le.. i really think it is enough le.. y muz i suffer so much.. I HATE U..

2005-08-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

heart ache.. i've find all my ways to know wat actually happen.. by asking him and fren.. ytd go tamp find jo and yi xiang.. jo told mi.. " i can said that when both of u break up, he still love u alot de.. but maybe is the process.. or maybe u cry too much, this had been a big pressure to him.. and then when he cool down, he think that this r/s is not working out.. thats y he treat u like that now.. " i know it's my fault.. she told mi too.. pices women tent to lose their temper easily.. but can be change de.. but all of u know de. things cant be change within days or weeks de..

viewing the msn massage history.. i finally rem wats my sadnesssad de email password le.. went in and view the msg history.. we really start the r/s too fast le.. confess abt 1week than together le but know for 1month le lahz..

heart ache alot.. when i saw how we actually solve the problem.. do u rem when i think that ur mum dun like mi ma.. u know how u console mi.. i'll believe watever u said..
"she okay with u.. she juz wan u to study"
"mum is really ok with u"
"she said u better go poly.. if not next time seeing u working in this fashion she'll faint.. than said her fren see her daughter in law she no face"
"she already treat u as daughter in law liao lohz"
"bluff u for wat"

how we solve the problem on 26june abt those bear.. and u said that " juz now see u cry my heart with u also can feel the pain loh" or u really dun like mi le thats y u cant feel the pain?
"sigh.. y muz this kind of things happen to a couple who loves each other"
"i hav give in to the photo in the com and alot of things past 2month.. i juz wan u to change for the better juz like how u change ur temper"
i apologise as im harsh to u and u called mi.. and u gave in to mi again and thats when i promised i will give in the next time de.. ppl will done something which they will regret.. i believe u had also b4.. that day when i said broke off, do u know how much i regret and wish didnt happen like this.. im so sry..

u asked mi b4.. can u still call and sms mi freely? i said yes but i know u wont.. but u said u will.. i said again" we'll see " .. but in the end.. i think im the one hu asked u that can i still call and sms u freely anot.. the way or rather how harsh u treated mi, and i hab nv treated u the way like u treated mi now lohz.. i lose.. i gave in so much and yet things cant be like the past by toking and solve things out..

"maybe u're not the ger im looking for.. even though i tot u was till u force mi.. " did i force u now? i dunno.. we could solve the problem in the past thats y giving mi the feeling that this time round will still be the same but i was wrong.. even the email i sent to u, u didnt even look at it and u juz delet to the trash bin.. this is the way u're treating mi and it was juz like stabbing a knife deep into my heart.. and yet u cant feel the pain i having now..

maybe.. maybe i knew the ans and yet i dun wanna face it.. the ans is u dun like mi le ba.. which i still dun believe.. but u hab done things till like that.. it ache mi to accept the fact.. im still forcing myself not to think of u.. i wasnt happy at all..

and thanx to julian.. u help mi pass the stage to forget aaron.. there's 2medicine.. one is to fall in love with another person to forget a person.. another is time.. thanx julian.. if u wasnt there.. i dunno how im gonna get through it.. although u now still ignoring mi.. if i can forget aaron.. darling, i believe i can forget u too de.. although it will much more harder than forgetting aaron.. but i know i will be tired one day and then, my tears wont flow out le..

2005-08-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

dunno im going to faint or im juz tired.. im so the damn fucking weak now.. hab been eating slimming pills recently and hab slim down 3kg.. cried again today in sch and juz now.. cried in sch cause fren bite my hand so hard.. cried for the first 3second cause it's painful.. cried for the next min cause i juz suddenly feel the pain in my heart..

i also dunno this 1month is passing fast or slow.. i juz know the pain in mi didnt decrease as days goes by.. missing him much more each passing day.. SO WAT.. does he care? i dunno..

im feeling so scared now.. i dunno y.. crying and crying cause im scared.. dun even knw wat i scared abt.. asked chao ying.. and she told mi cause i still dun wanna accept the fact.. but indeed i hab but i dun wish it.. im still living in my memories.. telling myself he is bz thats y ignore mi.. i lied to myself to make mi happy.. i dunno am i having depression anot.. im not happy.. im washing my face with tears.. cant slp.. i oni slp 4hrs everyday for this 2week le.. i very tired but i juz cant slp.. rem i used to slp alot.. can slp in class than back home still tired and go for a nap and wait for him to come.. but things hab change.. i no longer slp in class although im tired.. i wanna slp de but same old things, i juz cant fall aslp.. no longer taking nap and no longer sleeping for long hrs..

hab been thinking y he wanna break up for a month liao.. but i still cant get a ans.. feeling so terrible.. tried to forget him but i cant.. i dun wan a break up.. i juz wanna things back to normal.. but this seem impossible liao.. hurt mi.. im sad.. i cant slp.. whole mind abt him.. the one 2things i rem interesting is i went to escape with chao ying and the noob jackie tell mi he like mi.. 2things oni in a month lei..

samuel asked mi few days ago.. " y u let him hold ur hand and agree to be his gf while i touch ur hand oni and u gib mi the look that seem like u going to kill mi if u touch it again ? " .. i dunno y too.. i really dunno.. memories memories memories.. I HATE MYSELF.. u're a nice guy in my heart all the while.. but the things u doing now is i nv imagine of.. IT'S MY FAULT.. u're wearing a mask.. i cant see ur true face clearly untill 10july.. I HATE MYSELF..

memories of u making my tears flow out and heart ache.. i did all this upon myself.. I JUZ SIMPLY HATE MYSELF.. fear inside mi.. im tired.. i dunno wat to do.. dunno wat to think.. can anyone juz teach mi wat to do ma? pls =(

2005-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

im at my wrist end.. i cant be crying everyday.. everything look like it's my fault.. as if im the one hu didnt treasure the r/s.. i hab taken the 1st step alot of time liao.. taken till i scared liao.. i believe.. if u really like mi, u will come back to mi de even if u didnt chase a ger b4.. i've done all i can le.. i juz wish u could tell mi again " there is room for more for us " .. nth is impossible de.. i hab to accept i cant get everything that i wan.. [ 2aug ]

If You Are Mine, No Matter How Far We Run, We Still Be Together De..
but i wont take anymore 1st step le.. enough is enough le!

2005-07-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

fate brought us met le.. juz for that one second or rather less than a second so close to each other.. i walked that road again which i told myself that i wont on 26july.. but i was hoping for a miracle.. and it did happen.. but too bad he didnt saw mi.. i dunno izzit him anot but it looked totally alike lohz.. i wasnt intent to go and find him de.. i juz wanna feel that the distance between mi and him is much more closer than mi at hs and he at his hs.. if i at his hs downstair.. we are juz oni a few floor apart oni.. and this will make mi happier.. i know it's naive.. if both of us still like each other , can u pls dun torture mi and urself le ma.. im still waiting for ya de.. [ 31july ]

2005-07-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

the things u wrote.. why giving mi the feeling that u still love mi.. if that is so.. why muz 2 person suffer so much.. am i thinking too much again? i dunno.. fate ba.. is torturing mi right now.. thinking of him almost every moment.. but wat can i do? sms him? call him? i dun think so.. im scared of being rejected again.. i , juz can accept the cruel fact that like wat he said.. sometimes it's juz not meant to be and immpossible.. but why.. i dun wan things to happen this way de =( if we are still together , tml will be the 3rd month anniversary le.. haiz [ 31july ]

2005-07-31T03:02:00.000-07:00

i muz be a bad gf.. or else we wont end up like this.. are we even still fren? i dunno.. is not that i dunno how to treasure things.. it's juz that i didnt show out and my temper is bad.. but my temper is much more better than the last time le.. whenever im smiling or laughing, i will imagine that if u beside how good will that be.. although u told mi that u dun love mi anymore, somehow my heart still tell mi that we will still be together one day.. i dunno y.. one of my relative juz turn into ashes in juz THREE days.. everything is unexpected.. i feel so lost.. i still look outside the window everytime i hear some sound.. i dunno that u avoid mi is because u find mi irritated le or u dunno how to face mi.. so many question mark in my mind..

2005-07-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

i dunno wat has happen to us.. i dunno wat u mean by " look ard us " .. nth has happen to us lohz.. there is way to save back this r/s de.. i juz really cant help myself im falling in love with u.. if really cant be couple.. fren will do.. if u still wanna avoid mi.. i really hab nth to said.. darling.. i really miz u alot and love u alot.. muaxk.. oink oink oink..

still waiting for ya [ 27 june05 ]

2005-07-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

am i really happy?? is this kind of relationship i wanted all along?? i dunno.. i've been asking myself the whole day le.. i still dun hab the ans even till now.. i know he still love mi de.. im not lying to myself.. i knew it

he ytd gave mi a surprise.. i was on my way back home from movie.. and i saw this guy look alike him.. and still wearing the same kind of jacket.. i was shocked.. i tell u hor.. my whole body went cold lohz.. haha.. not mentally prepared.. but then i really very happy lohz.. he came down with his fren and were toking and suddenely i hear hear hear till i know he went clubbing which he tell mi he go slp?? omg.. nvm.. control my temper..

will i really lead a better life without him?? i dunno.. he's the one hu control my happiness and sadness.. he is the one and only one.. izzit i love him more than he love mi???????

2005-07-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

i dunno wat has happen.. i really dunno.. this 2month plus didnt post much maybe because very happy ba.. or rather time all occupied.. broke off le.. reason is because i didnt hab the sense of security.. i think he has been lying to mi alot of stuff which i guess oni lahz.. cause i really dunno how to see is a person lying anot.. i dun hab this talent.. everything he wanna let mi guess a conclusion..

he has been going to bike shop very freqently.. he said his bike alot of fault.. i understand but y muz everytime repair until so late lei?? he promised mi that he wont meet his bunch of bike fren le but sunday i saw one of the fren sms him and he still dun wanna let mi see.. he call him also dun wanna let mi see, need mi to see myself than he gib mi that kind of face.. he used to every sunday morning will come and accompany mi eat breakfast but ytd he slp until 4pm.. i was so angry.. as saturday also got things happen which i dun wanna mention here or else it will be very long winded.. i saw his phone got another ger pic.. he said is his fren gf pic.. i was wondering y other ppl can bring gf there but he nv ask mi go lei?? i didnt ask him lohz.. cause i scared he think i very sticky.. i dun understand alot of things..

juz liek that break off le.. it's over le.. i cried in sch today.. feeling so terrible and sux.. make mi so shy cause another class keep on looking.. i really love him alot.. but.. haiz.. is he chasing another ger thats y his msn name is " i want to hold ur hand just liek in the fairy tale.. i want to be ur angel "

i keep on lying to myself that i'll be fine.. i juz hope i can do it.. i this morning in sch sms him taking the 1st step as i promised to.. but.. he juz reply that he think we should really consider b4 makeing any decision.. fine.. i did use this kind of words to console guy if i dun like him.. and now he treat mi like that.. i knew the ans.. i dun wanna lie to myself again.. it's impossible liao.. i've delet all the pic.. my heart really hurt alot..

2005-07-05T12:42:00.000-07:00

i having mix feeling.. which i dun wish to mention at here.. haiz.. wat is he thinking.. neither i know wat am i thinking too..

kiki has been a very bad ger.. still dunno how to pee and shit at the correct place.. and still very violent and seem like a crazy dog at times.. haha.. sometime i also scared of her..

hope that everything is fine with mi..

my pet dog call KiKi !!!

2005-06-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

i hab my pet dog le.. i think its a female ba.. haha.. i dunno hwo to see the sex lahz.. both look like the same.. haha.. my bro call her kiki..i also dunno y..

today is the second day.. and im sick of clearing it's shit and unrine le.. hope she can understand ba.. at nite slping she cannot stand air con ma.. so i put her in the cage and put it in living room.. kepp barking until wake mi up at 5plus in the morning.. haiz.. hope i wont gib up and gib away lohz..

i hab always wanted a pet dog as i really think its very cute but once i hab it.. i dunno how to train lahz.. and this make mi very tired le.. i now than understand y uncle peter dun wanna gib mi the pet dog when the dog very young because really very hard to train.. haha.. wish mi all da best in breeding the dog

2005-06-06T00:54:00.000-07:00

so long no blog liao maybe so happy ba..

he told mi b4.. he got oni 1 gf and thats a yr ago liao.. but juz now i so bored and i log in to his msn and see his email as i nth to do and i dunno his password but i was trying to guess his password and i success in logging in.. those email from queen.. hey darling.. sweetie.. i see le and i juz stared at the word.. i was blank at that moment.. he misses her and she misses him.. both of them staring at the screen and smile! although tht email is sent at feb/march.. i juz dun liek ppl to lie to mi.. 1 gf~!~ muhaha.. not funny at all.. i juz hope that i can pretent i didnt saw it but i cant do it.. i very moody now and my heart pumps so fast now.. wat can i said wat can i do.. he already slept le.. and i sms him.. dun expect him to reply mi.. but.. how am i going to slp tonite with those words keep on flashing through my mind?

am i sensitive? am i thinking too much? wat am i going to do? im so scared right now.. but wat can i do?

2005-05-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

didnt blog for so long cause of my exam.. i hab flunk it and all fail except for chinese.. i dun dare to tell mum abt it lei.. but she know that i did very bad oni lohz... haiz..

i dunno issit cause of my pms and the hormones changes make mi mood swing.. haiz.. but hes not by my side.. i saw my long lost fren in frenster, zhiying and her sister is my bf de fren de gf.. rem the guy hu see mi and he said he turn off.. haiz.. his gf really not bad lohz.. and i see myself.. how can be compare.. i dunnoo wat i think.. i very scared.. dunno scared of wat.. i wanna hab trust in him de but i dun hab confident in myself oni lohz.. haiz..

may20, we went to watch movie, star wars.. dun even understand wat is it abt lohz.. haha.. than my fren go his home and take his stuff as he dun wanna carry so many thing into the cinema ma.. it was gg to be 1am and i juz ask him to stay at home to rest ma and i take cab home with my fren as they stay near by mi so is ok de ma.. i was buying supper for my sibling and he call mi and he told mi that he is at mi home de downstair.. at 1st i tot that he is joking with mi de lohz but he said he no joke with mi and i meet him at the coffeeshop.. omg.. he gib mi a surprise by coming down to find mi.. thanx darling for that..

ytd went to pasir ris for class bbq.. we went together ma.. turn out not bad.. so comfortable lying at the matt nearby the sea and enjoy the breeze..

i dun dare to think wat if he leave mi.. wat will i do.. how much will i cry.. im scared of it.. i really very scared..

2005-05-10T01:58:00.000-07:00

i told him all da things and he also hab told mi all his thing including the past that he always dun wanna mention.. im glad that he is starting to open himself more to mi..

alot of things in my mind.. so much until i dunno wat to think abt.. he told mi the 1st time he meet mi, he is with his fren ma.. than u know y his fren go back early.. or i can said he rather go meet his gf.. cause.. he see mi than totally TURN OFF lohz.. wat can i said more.. accept the fact.. it juz make mi feel more no confident lohz.. i juz hope thing can change for the better ba.. haiz..

how how how.. anyone can tell mi how ma.. he said that le make mi feel no mood to go out anymore le lohz.. i really ll liao lohz.. although those fact hurt mi, at least i know how ppl look at mi.. TURN OFF.. fine.. guys oni chase for looks.. i juz hope that wx not this kind of person.. and i will believe wat he said is true lohz..

darling.. thanx for letting mi know the cruel fact.. and thanx for cheering up my day every morning.. and thanx for da everything.. =D

2005-05-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

he came mi hm and slp again ytd.. this 3 day he acc mi till very late than go hm and think that his um wasn't really that happy cause at 9.30pm, his mum call and tell him whole family go eat dinner because mother's day but 15mins later, he sms mi said that his mum lie to him and the reason is wanna bring him home oni.. haha..

i cook dinner again but this time rounf is cook for all ppl to eat.. i think 8 9 of us.. i cook fish cutlet and at first.. all thought i dunno how to cook cause when they cook i very lazy help out de.. they dun seem to trust mi at first at use strange eye to see mi.. is ok.. when i prepare all the stuff and cook fish cutlet 1st.. than yuyu [ my fren ] taste the 1st one and he said bery delicious.. haha.. the happiness inside dunno how to describle lohz.. haha.. all praise my cooking than yuyu mum said " is good that u cook until so delicious and sure got ppl wan u de lohz " and i juz look at wx and ask him " u wan mi ma? " than all the ppl ard the table juz laugh.. its a enjoyable dinner ytd

he came mi hm at 11 and study math until 1am.. lucky got he acc mi study cause alot of stuff i dun rem liao lohz.. he really hen you nai xin teach mi lohz.. haha.. if he didnt come over, i sure will gib up half way de.. BUT.. waste mi effort.. today de math paper 2 none of the formula i hab memories came out of question lohz.. omg.. i was like WTF~!~!~!~!.. haha.. is luck lohz.. nvm.. i believe it will be useful during mi de o or n level de..

and same rule lahz.. he one bed i one bed or else later mum no good impression on him.

2005-05-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

go watch house of wax.. wow.. that was great.. and of coz muz be with someone comfortable to watch ma hor.. watch the movie 12.30 think 2.30 than finish lohz.. after that walk back from bishan back to my home.. think walk abt 30 to 45 mins lohz.. not no money take cab back home.. is juz wanna spent more time with him or else i wont be so bo liao walking back home and make mi so tired.. lol.. he eat supper at mi hm but dunnno y times pass so fast.. he 5am than go back home.. haha.. tired.. today 11 plus wake up liao.. haha.. msg him in msn no reply.. either went back slp or taking lunch.. think is he slp ba.. haha..

2005-05-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

haha.. was happy ytd.. although ytd didnt really study very hard for my ss test.. but at least i still got study.. my auntie no cook than i hab to cook of my own.. turn out to be quite nice.. hehe.. wx come to my hm and eat dinner and than acc mi study lohz.. i think we play more than i study lahz.. =x .. haha.. still dare said hor.. haha.. i think hes the king of sleeping man.. haha.. can see that he like to slp alot.. dun actually let him slp at 1st but still let him slp at 11.30 to 12.. he wake up le than go hm but his mum lock the door.. lol .. so i ask him come mi hm and slp lahz.. he one bed i one bed lohz.. cause later let mi mum see bad impression than no good lohz.. haha.. holding hand till slp.. so sweet.. omg.. lol.. let him see mi hair very messy go sch.. haha.. he will see it soon or later so its ok lahz.. haha..

although im happy with wx now.. but one thing very sad case.. i really hate to see samuel so sad lohz and i really dunno wat to said.. i juz wish that he can cheer up abit and move on.. i feel very guilty to tok to him now.. haiz.. hope everything can turn out fine

today ss test lucky i ytd no study till morning.. cause the stupid idiot ques teacher set no one expected it lohz.. haha.. cause it seem liek not important de lei.. haha.. dunno lahz.. hope my exam can pass.. will study hard de =D

2005-05-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

tml poa paper1 and eng paper1 .. i really got study lohz.. haha.. xiong come mi hs and i wanna he force mi study lohz.. but cause my room so messy, he start packing my room.. hes still a guest of coz i need to help out ma.. haha.. pack liao than mop the floor.. cant believe its so DIRTY~!~! and dusty~!~!~!~! i juz call my sis in and ask her how long no mop liao.. make mi heart boil lohz.. everytime ask her mop than she sure reply orh orst=Publish Postg juz keep sneezing and this show wat.. my room is dusty.. paiseh sia.. make mi dun look like a ger cause how can a ger room so messy.. lol..

although overall is happy, but.. haiz.. his female fren call and ask him where is he but he juz said " i at my fren hm " .. well.. think he didnt mean it ba.. than he ask mi i so sensitive meh..yes of coz i am.. and i told him ytd liao lohz.. is ok is ok.. at least i can see that he is starting to treat mi better..

2005-05-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

haha.. 1st may.. lol.. happy day..

2005-04-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

alone at a desserted place alone until 5am than go back home.. have nv been so brave juz walking out alone and i hab nv been to that place b4.. leg very weak at that time.. but i still hab to face the fear all alone.. ppl passes by mi all use strange look at mi.. im too sad to concern abt it.. izzit my fault to ask a person his past.. even as a fren does that right.. i hab throw away all the ger de face liao lohz.. i said all my feeling out lohz.. and wat i get in return.. is his silent.. he seem trouble.. i dun understand wat is he thinking.. and i was so angry.. and i juz walk away alone.. he did chase mi back once oni lohz..

middle in the nite.. in a desserted area that i hab nv been there b4.. so scared.. scared of everything.. scared of facing all fear alone.. scared tml come and im gonna cry again even eye swollen.. scared no mood to study.. juz hate to be a zombie.. really numb le and y tears juz drop like this..

2005-04-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

wint.. can u rem ur hp profile name.. if u dun.. i will remind u.. is " Dun Be Stupid " .. y u still prefer to be someone hu is stupid.. i had enough.. i really had enough.. fine.. its juz a crush oni.. and u know urself de.. guy is guy.. thye oni goo for looks.. wat u think u are.. u oni hab the share of being sad cause the guy u like nv like u.. u so ugly and fat.. wat u expect more.. u can oni suffer in silent ba..

exma coming.. i really no mood to study.. but no choice and i hab to force myself.. no more sms from him.. ytd u juz tok to him on da phone.. wat are u happying abt.. u juz know him 3 weeks lohz.. crush aiya.. easy to forget de lahz.. i believe u can make it..

things juz dun go smooth for mi.. im tired le.. i need a break.. i dun wanna be the one hu msg u in msn or sms 1st liao lohz.. enough is enough.. pls keep in mind.. im a GER.. i very emotional.. im very sensitive.. thats all.. wat else can i said..

2005-04-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

today juz came back than tok to someone in da forum hu ask for mi msn.. tok than he ask mi " do u get horny " .. fucker.. ask mi this ques.. nv die b4 lohz..omfg.. spoilt my whole day mood liao.. after that jzu straight away block and delet him lahz.. neh neh de.. think he wat.. looking for a free fuck or fling? look for da neh neh wrong person lahz.. relac relac lahz..

well.. ytd finally said tell him liao.. relac alot liao lohz.. well.. i also intent slowly slowly lahz.. haha.. i hate to rush lahz but i juz wanna know does he feel the same way as i do ma? lol.. he said " not crush.. but.. ha.. dunno " .. wat does this mean?? omg.. haha.. nvm.. at least he didnt avoid mi like jeremy does.. im happy with wat i hab now.. tml chinese exam.. nth to be afraid cause i second in da class.. there oni 3 pro in our class and we take turn to be da first in da class test cause we equally smart.. haha =p

2005-04-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

didnt go to sch today.. the feeling i having now is totally the same as wat jeremy gib mi and the thing he did is totally the same as wat jeremy did b4.. nvm.. is ok wint.. juz like wats ur hp profile name is " dun be stupid " ..

i am the way i am.. if he really like mi is the way i am but not how ugly i am..

no more sms.. or i can said.. he no longer reply mi de sms.. im sad.. but life juz on go.. no more tears.. dried out 5month ago liao..

i dun ask for more.. fren can liao.. thats all..

2005-04-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

well.. im scared of falling in love again.. my past experience for this 5month... im already too scared liao.. ppl may said.. im flirt.. blog like alot guy name.. but i wish to correct them.. im single right now and i hab the right to make fren right.. i hab no make a promise to guy said " hey.. i will be with u " .. all fren fren nia ma..

this blog cannot see my aug de post.. this guy call jeremy.. he tell mi.. " i wanna find a gf and muz be ard 17 18 and thinking muz be mature " .. after putting down the phone , he sms mi said im mature!~!~!~! izzit that a very direct hint.. but.. after he meet mi, its false hope.. i knew him in frenster cause he look like aaron.. all is false hope after him..

i hab tried everything out with julian , melvin and samuel as a fren first.. of coz one at a time lahz.. but thing juz dun go well.. they may understand mi well.. but some cant tolerate mi de temper.. im wat i am and i hope that can accept mi but they cant.. of coz i will move on ma..

think i falling in love with one guy hu i dun wish to mention his name.. dun wish to let him know cause i scared the frenship will like mi and jeremy de.. after he know i like him and he started to avoid mi.. and i hab learn some lesson from aaron.. like someone silently and misses someone silently.. i think he is starting to avoid mi too le ba.. nvm then.. i know im ugly , fat . bad temper and not gentle..

I Cant Help Myself - Nobody's Angel
chrous
i just cant help myself
i'm falling in love with you
it doesn't matter what you said or what you do
just give mi a chance
and i know i'll make you understand why
i just can't help myself
i'm falling in love with u

feeling said cum than cum de lohz.. said go than go de lohz.. i cant control mi de feeling too.. i also dun wish falling in love with him.. i juz cant control it.. my six sense telling mi he is avoiding mi.. sad

2005-04-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

2005-04-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

ytd went to chalet and than ton.. didnt really tok much and lie on the bed the whole day.. maybe im too shy to tok and scared of strange or im juz tired.. didnt really slp at nite cause keep kanna wake up by them.. i very sensitive to light and the door noise.. after book out than juz back home mum ask mi wanna go shopping anot.. of coz i go even im tired and haben bath when i reach home cause mum almost late for work liao ma.. haha.. shhhhh.. dun tell other hor.. than i saw the guy at j8 hu is sleeping beside my bed de guy.. i tot he also working in best in taka.. i dun expect to saw him.. haha.. and mum said she wanna buy a tele next fri.. muz go support him lohz.. too bad taka is too far or else ask mum to support melvin lohz.. haha..

tok to melvin alot in the chalet than i dun really believe.. he has no call mi for a month neither wake mi up in a month.. he said his exam period and didnt really hab much slp.. bull shit.. i wont believe de lohz.. read his blog and found out that he has a crush.. and he is trying to ecplain to mi is his bro dee siao him de.. fine fine fine.. dun wish to think much..

told samuel to walk from orchard mrt to samersat mrt wearin spag and a skirt and thick make up at 3pm in sunday than i will accept him.. haha.. and he really intent to do that lohz.. frighten mi till faster tell him is a joke.. haha..

2005-04-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

went for coffee with wx.. than his fren come alone without telling mi!~!~!~! omg.. muz be shu nu for the first impression so i ren lohz.. haha.. really enjoy the park we went.. very cooling.. dun bear to go but mi fren keep calling mi to faster ask mi join in the mahjong.. haha.. 3 short of 1.. lol.. and still need buy supper for them -.-'''

play mahjong keep losing.. sianz!~!~!~ play till 3am cannot stand it le cause at chalet didnt slp well lei.. haha.. than went to slp but 11am kanna wake up by mi de fren liao.. sianz..

2005-04-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

samual.. u know wat im angrying abt.. the SUDDEN change in u.. thats my attitude when i sense someone is changing.. i HATE it.. understand.. u no longer call mi or waking mi up or singing song coax mi slp liao lohz.. i HATE it.. i jzu simply hate it.. ok.. whenever u tok to mi in msn.. i'll juz get angry.. u know y.. i hate to think the SUDDEN change in u thats y i keep showing my attitude~!~!~!~!~!

2005-04-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

well.. help mi fren to move house at friday.. so tired.. but.. i didnt do anything also tired sia.. haha.. juz go there mark attendence.. haha..

saturday did something that i long ago wanna do.. i resign~!~!~!~!~ haha.. juz tell him in da morning " dad.. got sande here liao than i think i dun need to work liao lohz " than he ask mi " oh.. u wan concentrate ur studies right " .. and i dun wanna ans him cause i dun wish to argue with him.,.. than i juz tell him that im tired and i go home and rest 1st lohz.. than i go my fren home and help another move house.. lol.. went to play " dry swim " at nite till 2am.. than i call up zhao xing and ask him sing song coax mi slp ma... and we chatted for awhile lahz..

" i tell u something u dun angry hor "
"ok.. wat thing.. "
" u know that ur so call god dad angry with u "
" angry mi for fuck lahz "
" sande told mi that u always watch tv there and dun wanna swip the floor "

well.. i always think that ppl is wearing mask.. i juz diam diam even if i know.. can u imagine.. if ur fren [ guy or female lahz ] chase ur another fren [ oppsite sex of coz ] .. will u tell ur fren.. " aiya.. dun chase him/her lahz.. dun be stupid lohz "

well.. is ok.. im used to it le.. if she can tell this to a guy hu is chasing mi, than dun need think will she said anything abt mi to mi de god dad de.. i watch tv oni meh.. she no watch meh.. i no swip the floor meh.. i lazy lohz.. fine.. underpay mi still wan angry mi.. sure is she the one hu is behind everything..

HAIZ~!~!

2005-04-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

i hab been toking to jin yuan for da past 2 hrs and cry until eye swollen now.. jin yuan is my good sis in braddell westlake when i juz enter the sch.. in my heart.. she is always that pure , sweet and cute.. she went back to shanghai at 2002 december holiday and she tell mi that she will come back de and i already cry until wanna die liao lohz.. at 1st i dun believe her but she show mi her air ticket.. it is go and return de ticket.. but when she check in, she call mi and cry.. she said sry to mi and i asked her y.. she told mi she wasnt coming back to sg study le.. i hab already stop crying le but heard wat she said i cry again.. that time jia wen ( ex bf ) already very irritated that i started to cry again when i hab juz stop.. and i ask her y her air ticket is 2 way ticket.. she said like that more cheap.. i cyr and cry but she tell mi that she will come back de.. wait for a month le.. sch start le.. i juz knew that she wont come back de.. 2 month later.. she call mi.. and told mi that she hab settle down in shanghai..

i was happy for her that she is happy with her life in shanghai although im sad.. not juz abit sad but very sad.. 3month later she call mi again.. she told mi she regretted that she didnt stay in sg to study.. finally.. she told mi the real reason y she go back shanghai.. it is because of a guy and she doesnt know that she is the third party lohz.. omg.. that guy is juz a jerk..

today.. i chat with her for 2hrs.. she told mi hows her life and i cry until eye swollen.. she love this guy alot.. really alot.. but.. that guy broke off with her.. and she told mi that it is very normal for a couple to hab sex~!~!~!~!~! thats wat really hurt mi alot.. when is the jin yuan i used to know.. the pure sweet and cute jin yuan..

i rem.. she used to accompany mi go swimming whenever im sad although she doesnt really wanna go de lohz.. and i always go her house and eat chocolate de.. although 1yr is short.. but all the memories is soo sweet.. i really miz her.. i juz wanna see her right now and hug her to cry.. im soo sad.. i oni wish that she is happy oni lohz.. i hope toking to her for that 2hrs, she will listen to mi de advise and stop missing that guy although it is a very difficult task..

my classmate hab told mi that guy in china is better than sg de lohz.. at least not so jerk.. but after listen to jin yuan story, somehow i feel that is the same lohz.. if i didnt let her check in at the airport.. things may not happen this way.. haiz..

2005-04-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

haiz.. dunno y my account cannot log in this page but my sis account than can.. ytd.. mood damn bad.. things juz dun go away.. juz drive my alarm clock away ytd.. i dunno wat has happen to mi.. i juz dun feel safe after nowing the true.. samuel.. im sry.. i did all this juz to protect myself.. hope u can understand..

today i take my pay and i very DU LAN.. i work for 10days and the pay oni $134 nia lohz.. UNDERPAY LEI !!!! one day $13.4 .. i almost everyday also take cab go lei.. i even waste more money lohz.. cause i work dun need eat meh.. sometime i help y goddad buy food he also no gib mi i already diam diam liao lei.. i still everytime go work also buy kopi o for him lohz.. haiz.. dunno wat he thinking sia.. my fren still think im wrong.. how can she.. goddad said i can reach there abt 11am.. than sometime 11 reach sometime 10 reach lahz.. than my fren said : " maybe u reach late than he pay u less lohz and u everytime go there also do nth " .. how can she said this too.. he is the one hu dun wan sack mi lahz.. than i go there do nth also not mi fault ma.. haiz.. sad.. like ALL my fault like that sia.. fine fine fine.. i dun gib a damn.. sick and tired of rubbish liao..

when i in bus on the way back home.. i hab been thinking and thinking abt something.. y i dun trust guy and since when i dun trust guy liao.. than the ans juz came straight into my mind.. is cause of u .. AARON WEN GUO JIE.. i hate him.. i think he also wont gib a damn to mi de blog.. well.. i juz wanna complain out and hope ppl understand mi.. he is someone hu hab tear open a cut in the heart which hab juz heal.. i dunno wat is he thinking.. maybe cause of revege?? i dunno.. i juz know that when i 14 , i admit that im childish and i hab done something wrong.. but this is not the punishment i going to get ma.. i got the 1st punishment and it hurt mi for a yr lohz.. y should i get a sencond punishment ?? haiz..

THINGS JUZ DUN GO MY WAY

2005-04-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

GUYS HU ARE DRIVING.. LISTEN CAREFULLY.. DUN THINK U ARE DRIVING BIG FARK AND CAN FLIRT ARD !!!!! OK !!!!!

i really feel like crying le lahz.. early in the morning.. make mi mood so bad le.. controlling my tears now.. no trust!! no trust!! the more i see the more no trust in guys..

friday nite go irc find ppl wake mi up everyday in the morning.. than got this guy.. call WU SHUN WEN .. from navy.. if u guys know him juz gib him 2 tight slap.. at the start, i did ask him.. u decent anot.. and he said YES!!!!! fucker.. lie to mi.. i hate ppl lie to mi..

this morning he wake mi up at 8am.. than i went back slp.. 9am than wake up.. than sms him said blame hm lahz.. he said " dun go work lahz.. cum mi house and help mi tidy room.. i pay u market rate " .. fucker.. i dun think its mi sensitive lohz.. i knew wat he meant lohz.. he think im so stupid than go his house and tidy his room and he can get wat he wan liao ma..

i juz tell him to read mi de blog and know y he shouldnt hab make this kind of joke le lohz.. and saying that i dunno is he decent anot lahz cause i hab juz know him and dunno ma.. he juz reply " K " .. thats all.. from my six sense.. i know he wont be waking mi up anymore and i juz said thanx to him lahz.. than i log in computer cause very du lan.. wanna complain in the blog.. than saw him online.. i juz told him im angry cause he lie to mi said he is decent in the 1st place but he wasnt ahz.. u know wat he told mi.. " U MAKE MI SO DISAPPOINTED .. BYE BYE " OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he think he wat.. 22yrs old and driving.. BIG FARK!!! i hate him.. alot guy or i can said most of the guy hu is driving all like tht de.. thats y i told myself.. i muz be independant.. dependant on guys!!! muhahahahha.. sure die de.. DU LAN AR!!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

guys.. wat u all told mi is juz like a TAIRY TALE.. i may need ppl to said tairy tale coax mi slp.. but not in THIS WAY!!! i find it so hard to believe liao.. rather believe in myself than believe in guys..

dunno y im juz ANGYR ANGRY ANGRY..

bad mood bad mood..

juz dunno y..

2005-04-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

argghhhhh.. ytd run 2.4km.. wan mi life liao sia.. haha

today go watch samura.. not nice at all.. dun go watch man.. can slp de..

think and think.. its right to stay single.. NO GOOD GUY IN SG LIAO.. mind set is there liao lohz.. i ever got a dream.. 23 married 24 hab kids.. haha.. the dream is getting more and more far liao sia.. think gg be a nun better..

2005-04-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. now than i know i am damn a fool.. muhahahahahahahahahahaha.. I DUNNO EVERYTHING.. ok..

read melvin blog today.. and actually i hab found out that he FALL IN LOVE with one of his collegue.. i really feel guy very cunning lohz.. at first i got the guilty feeling cause i really very attitude towards him lohz.. and i tot that is all my fault and i even intent to buy a wallet back to him ehich he like it alot which cost 80plus lohz.. he can go out with mi saying that he still care for mi and another side he tell his working collegue said he fall in love with her.. WTF!~!~!~!~!~!~ even himself admit that she is cute !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! y guys oni like cute ger !!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~ I HATE MELVIN!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! well.. but i will still buy that stupid wallet for him lahz.. cause mi bird day and valentine day he also got gib mi milk bottle and a wallet..

ytd found out that one of mi de fren wasnt that decent as wat i think and MAKE MI MORE FEEL THAT GUY IS ALL JERK !~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! if no see melvin blog i still not angry lei.. argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. PEK CHEY AR!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!`

rain rain.. go away.. come again another day when i can slp at home the whole day... hehe..

2005-04-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

haha.. raining whole day.. how i wish i dun need go sch.. slack at home whole day.. haha.. nua at the ned with my blanket.. omg.. its like in the heavean like that.. lol .. haha

my life.. haha.. happy right now.. nth to worry.. nth to sad over for it.. i hope all my fren can lead a happier life more than mi.. hehe..

wheather changing.. dunno wat happen to Earth sia.. hope she is healthy ba..

2005-03-25T01:48:00.000-08:00

pls dun blame mi form hating guy.. today i read my fren blog and i call her when i saw her blog.. from the way she write.. i knew there is something wrong liao.. if u really love someone, u will be happy if she call u when u are with ur fren.. but her bf treat her another way.. he show her his temper and saying she attitude.. y in this world there is so many of this kind of guys??not juz oni mi fren de bf is like that lohz.. alot of guys also liek that.. i juz ask mi fren.. did she hab sex with her bf.. she said YES!! see.. i expected that ans.. u know y.. cause most of the guy also liek that.. i jzu cant understand y u guys is ALWAYS like that.. i hate guy.. u all think am i right anot..

im so sad.. even if i meet the right guy or the perfect guy, i wont dare to believe tat im so lucky.. im so scared.. so scared to cry, hurt by someone.. and worst still if the guy is those kind that i hab juz mention above.. i wont dare to think that the guy is juz as perfect as wat he present to mi.. my ideal bf is someone hu is rather abit silly de.. bit fat fat de.. treat mi good and nice.. if quarrel also will let mi win.. muz be responsible.. all this point above, i oni can hab someone in my mind.. but too bad.. i dunno if i am really that bad to scared him away.. i hab been thinking alot of thing about melvin.. i juz hab to convience myself that melvin hab change and i hab juz to take the fact liao.. things always happen like this.. sick and tired.. think i abit pervert liao.. thing muz be lost liao than i wil go and think.. feel like killing myself.. think too much thing till still cant slp.. haiz.. let fate take it course ba..

2005-03-25T00:52:00.000-08:00

aiyo.. die liao lahz.. i drink one bottle of heniken than head spin like fuck liao lohz.. my stability decrease liao lahz.. haha.. last time with jo still can srink three jug of beer.. haha.. muz train more harder lia lohz..

am i stupid or guys is like that de.. whenever i like someone, the person no more like mi liao neh.. haiz.. melvin.. i hate u!!!!!!!!!! u dun understand wat i thinking at all.. julian muz be thinking that im fucking flirt.. but julian, u muz understand.. i try to work things out with u but thing juz dun go correctly.. i wanna to get married at 23 and hab children at 24.. haha.. i think its a dream le ba.. i should be a nun.. damn.. i dun even know wat i typing liao.. but maybe this is good.. i can said alot true things.. lol.. i dunno..

dunno my mum lie to mi or wat.. ppl hu support mi mum de drink all said i pretty but y i think that guys wasnt like that feel so too lei.. or am i thinking too much.. arggghhhhhhh.. head spin like shit.. dunno how to slp.. lazy type too.. ntie nite.. hehe..

2005-03-19T02:07:00.000-08:00

2am le.. yet i still haben slp.. maybe playing games too much le.. ytd also like that.. hehe.. than work so tired feel like sleeping.. my dad help mi cut the hair look like a nerd.. i dunno how to save it but i juz hack care lahz.. nerd nerd lohz.. but how to go outside and face ppl.. haiz..

one incident happen today.. i was in bus on my way back home from work and at bishan, there is a traffic light and the bus stop lahz cause is red light ma.. beside the bus there is a cab and there is a young couple.. the ger was abt 14 15 yrs old like that than the guy muz be older than her abit lahz.. the guy was so like a ger lying on his gf shoulder.. the i saw that he touch his gf de upper tight and the ger was wearing short skirt.. and he touch more high and high.. omg.. if this incident happen infront of mi outside where i can slap or scold him, i will do it lohz.. he is a damn fucker sia.. how can he treat the ger like this and the ger was so young..cause this world got this kind of guy, ger will think that no guy can be trusted..

why why why.. juz hope that the world is getting better and healthy.. cant stand the hot wheather..

im juz a childish ridiculous and demanding attitude fucking ger

2005-03-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

hey.. i admit that im childish, im ridiculous and demanding ok.. feel free to said how worthless i am.. fine.. i dun gib a damn at all.. said all u wan.. I JUZ HATE U.. i was reading the history of the msn chat we hab b4.. see le i also dun dare see is u.. 12/8 first time u said u like mi in msn.. haha.. wat a funny joke.. not more than 3month ago and yet the person hate mi so much.. i got so pro ma.. make the person hate mi till in his blog also scold mi.. his fren also said mi fault.. FUCK.. JULIAN.. said watever u wan said ok.. fine.. nvm then.. i also know u dun mind i hating u..

olden time ppl said.. if u love the person more and u'll hate the person more.. izzit the true..

hope things will get better ba..

2005-03-16T04:12:00.000-08:00

fcuk.. im going crazy le.. wat the hell i was thinking.. arghhhhhhhh..

i dun understand why.. something borthing mi now.. to mi, guys is a very horrible thing.. no matter how good they present themselves to mi, in my brain, i will always thnk that they at LEAST got do ONE bastard thing b4.. i cant imagine that they are as good as wat i think.. i dun trust that they are sincere.. i always think tht guys chasing mi is juz about SEX!! thats all.. im scared.. i hab no confident in guys and myself.. at least wat i can do now is to scared all of them away.. let them hate mi, let them think that im cruel.. but hu know deep in my heart i was so hurt.. even one of them wrote in his blog said im immature.. is ok.. is fine.. whenever one guy chase mi and gib up, u know wat i will said to myself?? i save myself once again.. im scared of falling in love again.. im scared of crying again.. im scared of hurting once again and again

let said one incident.. this guy is lawrence.. he ask mi " can i woo u " .. wat a stupid question.. which ger will so stupid said yes.. he always call mi princess.. of coz i will feel so sweet.. but after the feeling of sweet, i go and think again.. pui.. wat a disgusting lie to told mi.. he said he treat mi the most good.. pui.. my fren call lawrence's fren and ask him.. is lawrence chasing other ger too.. than his fren said " how u know " .. wat a stupid ans.. whoever heard it also know wat he mean.. but after 2 second, he ask mi fren to repeat her question.. than mi fren repeat it and he said no.. haha.. wat a funny joke i ever heard it.. see.. y cant i trust guy.. things always happen like this.. there is one thing that i dun understand.. y u guys always can liek chase 10 ger in one row than see whoever accept him first than he put down his feeling.. y cant guys be faithful..

today in irc.. i done something as ususal.. i scodl all the guys.. all their posting is so disgusting.. and yet some of them argue with mi.. y they wan qrgue.. see all the irc postng from guys.. all looking for young ger without good intention.. a guilty person wont admit himself guilty de..

u ppl know y marriage percentage rate is going lower and lower.. cause guys never seem serious.. than ger are afraid of it.. haiz.. ,aybe end my blog right here..

something happy to said that haha.. i rebonded my hair.. wish my hair will last ba..

thats gonna be my life

2005-02-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

sry to thsoe ppl got see mi de blog de.. mi stupid bro lahz.. ord liao than keep on staying at home and play games than i also cannot update mi de blog.. well .. thats gonna be my life.. weekday study and weekend work.. no more things abt relationship.. im scared of falling in love again..

New year nthing special

Valentine day didnt go out at all but got recieve abt 7 present?? haha.. i also didnt count as it mix up with my birthday present.. hehe.. melvin come to mi hs and gave mi a wallet.. it was pretty and i also dunno wta kind of wallet i like.. haha.. thats a guy call jason older mi 12 yrs old seem like chasing mi!!!! he ask mi for my address but i dun wanna tell him but he send mi back hoem b4 and he know mi add.. i knew he gonna deliver mi flower but in the end didnt lahz.. haha.. hes my brother fren.. frighten mi sia.. haha

Birthday go out with mi de sch fren.. we went to ktv and i got drunk.. all my song is at the back than i slp at 3am till there close.. =( so no chance to sing.. haha.. the present i love the most is mi de fren gib mi one slimming gel.. haha.. julian cum to mi mum de shop and wait for mi an hour plus juz to gib mi present.. he gib mi a pair of ear ring.. so sweet of him.. haha.. well.. birthday present recieve alot lahz..

friday , 25 went to lawrence chalet.. he half yr ago chase mi b4 lahz but i keep on rejecting him lohz.. but.. haiz.. hate to fall in love again man.. trying to tell myself to stop thinking abt it.. the 1st nite i ton there was fun.. the feeling was so sweet.. and he ask mi to be his gf again.. no sincerelity lohz than i reject him.. cause he once a month sms mi said he miz mi.. hu will believe.. than the next day he buaya infront of mi lei.. haiz.. if he is more sincere abit, maybe i will consider lohz.. but too bad.. haiz.. not really happy this few day.. keep on drinking and smoking.. i know its not good for health but im not happy ma. than quarrel with mum because of this.. stupid man.. haiz.. raining now.. going to fren hs and play dry swim.. bye bye..

sry

2005-01-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

Julian.. im really sry.. i juz really cant help it too.. i did try.. but.. i juz cant find any feeling back.. things hab been complicated till i dunno wat to think.. my mum really like u alot but.. i juz cant stand guys keep on giving mi attitude over and over again.. u are making mi feeling veuy guilty.. like all my fault like that.. haiz.. still think that prefer single ba..

things screw up again..

2004-12-26T17:58:00.000-08:00

bro slapped mi twice cause i disagree he didnt go to my grandad birthday.. my grandad always wanted him to go but he dun wan.. cause hes gg out.. wtf excuses he giving.. the moment he touch my face , i call mum.. my idiot bro told mi ma.. " so wat u call mum, she always wont slap mi back " .. wat kind of family do i hab.. wat i did wrong to hab this kind of punishment?? wo bu kan yan aaron like that treat mi than my fucking chee bye bro.. wat has happen.. i dunno.. i juz knew that my tears cant stop flowing out.. feel damn fuck up.. feel like ending my life also like that.. its juz that i dun hab the courage.. one more blow i dunno wat i will do..

christmas day

2004-12-26T01:01:00.000-08:00

spent my christmas day with Julian.. went to hab dinner and walk to east coast.. the dinner was nice and Julian wanna take photo.. all the photo turn out ugly than i all delet all away.. haha.. walk all the way to east coast park and make mi de leg so pain.. haha.. something funny happen when we are on the way to east coast.. haha.. dun wanna said it out.. haha.. went back home after that.. it was fun overall..

christmas eve

2004-12-24T16:12:00.000-08:00

haha.. spent my christmas eve fun and great.. having a shopping at toa payoh central and went to bugis and be a santa cluas.. haha.. gib hui shan a clothes and she gib mi a pair of earring.. haha.. so happy.. went to my working place and gib mi aunti a eye shadow and gib sande a lip stick.. sande told mi that she was so touch till she wanna cry cause i gib hre lip stick.. i knew she dun hab it thats y i buy for her ma.. she said i so got the heart.. haha.. i also like that think so lei.. haha.. bhb again liao lohz.. julian hab acc mi from bugis all the way to tamp.. hehe.. he gave mi a book and i gib him a shirt.. it was too tight for him.. hahaha.. hu ask him tell mi the size is m lahz.. haha..

on the way home and my fren sms mi.. i call them and they asked mi go down to orchard.. went down to orchard was damn crowded.. almost dun hab the space to breath.. went to far eats and find mi fren.. on the way to far east.. at the crowd, i saw alot couple.. the ger standing infront and the guy holding her waist and guilding her way.. when i saw it.. the first thing went to my mind.. is aaron.. i straight away sms him.. saying that how i wish u are beside mi now at orchard.. with the crowd and u are holding my waist and guilding my way.. he told mi he was at orchard too... he was at hmv but i at orchard.. i at far east.. wat to do.. i ask him.. whether we hab the fate to see each other anot and he reply mi an hour lata said he leave orchard liao.. he's always like this.. well.. to mi is ok.. he cant gib mi wat i wan.. i wont gib a damn too.. i still can live mi life without him.. hes no one to mi..

at 1plus at somerset mrt outside was abt to go home.. and we went to taxi stand.. no the way we pass by taka and ppl playing snowflake and we saw our sch fren.. they was selling snowflake and i juz took it and they didnt said anything lohz.. haha.. i took abt 10 bottle lei.. haha.. of course i didnt use it for myself.. i gib to mi fren.. from 1 play till 2.. saw one of my ex sch mate and 1 pri sch fren.. haha.. i gib my pri sch fren my mum number and when i reach home than i reliase.. lol.. so crazy when playing till i dunno i gib alan my mum number.. lol.. mum scold mi for playing too crazy.. whole hair is wet.. it was fun.. in the past i rather spend my christmas peacefully.. but this yr is diff..

2004-12-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

i really dunno wat to do.. he gave mi the feeling that he MIND!! he mind everything.. i dunno.. i was really hurt today by the sms he gave mi.. no one ever in my life hab ever mention it b4.. nv.. was been awake at 7am in the morning and went back to slp at 9.. well.. i do admit that im sensitive.. the feeling he giving mi now , i really dunno is mi think too much le.. or thats he.. i really dunno.. false hope again and again.. arggggg.. fuck lahz.. should hab stop all those rubbish.. i dunno.. im confuse.. once again.. im confuse again.. again and again.. really tired le.. maybe alone may seem more better ba..

J.. sry.. no matter wat are u doing at that monent of time.. i feel that i may not be able to chat with u as happily as before.. cause the word hab seriously hurt mi.. u make mi feel that im dirty.. i know everyone make a mistake.. but.. i dunno.. i cant make myself to forget wat u hab said.. i keep on having the feeling that u are the same with other.. using diff angle to look at mi.. i juz wanna be truth to u.. yet i found out its wrong.. this may be a misunderstanding.. but.. i dunno.. juz put it as a pull stop ba.. i dun wanna think of anything now.. sry.. juz treat that im selfish.. but i know u can get over it de..

ae..

2004-12-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

few day no blog le.. well.. gonna said wat happen to mi nowaday.. few days ago, i was working till closing.. and J call mi when i was counting money so i no ans cause it will confuse mi than i will hab to recount again.. then.. i saw his sms said he outside my shop and i was shock.. he brought mi porriage.. and watermelon juice.. soo happy cause abt 7pm i got told him i no eat ma cause no appitite.. than we take train back home and chat.. and finish it and i was soo full and feel that i fatter le.. haha..

ytd.. work 8hours and reach home very tired le.. than i call J and chat.. told him that mummy told mi that mi sis coming back home and than i rem i didnt pack mi bed and it was too messy to slp.. and i was LAZY to pack it and he hang my call.. then.. i was shock again.. haha.. for wat he hang mi call lahz.. than after that i reliase y he hang my call.. he said that i didnt pack my bed means i immature.. i was soo angry.. this is my character.. not immature lohz.. than after that we tok out than things turn ok again lohz.. hehe.. feel so sweet now.. y?? maybe someone dote mi?? lol .. i also dunno.. gg spend my christmas with him.. he hab plan le but i also dunno where he wan go.. i juz know go and EAT!! eat again.. haha.. i was wondering izzit he like to eat alot.. lol.. was thinking wat to wear.. hab some clothes in my mind.. but scared wear le like i look very fat like that lei.. i hope wont ba..

today i over slp in the bus again and went to tpy interchange.. went and see can buy wat 4 mi de fren than saw shell necklace.. rem mummy told mi that she wan to buy a few mon ago but she didnt buy.. than i decided to buy for her.. happily went to her shop and show her that.. than help she wear.. than she ask mi y buy!!!! i was thinking.. u like it and i buy 4 u lei.. haiz.. than she tok like she wasnt happy and make mi no mood.. haiz.. wat ever i do.. i think i was wrong.. treat aaron so good and wat i get lei.. treat mummy good and see how she treat mi.. haix.. even hab the tot that if i giving J a chance.. izzit a wrong too?? arggggggg.. no mood to think.. also muz tell myself not to think so much lah.. think so much 4 wat lei.. make myself sad.. NO.. i dun wan be sad anymore..

numb le

2004-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

first of all.. let mi tell ya some hapy stuff.. all my ex sch mate got their n level today.. almost all past except 2 of them.. muz try harder hor.. [ am i asking myself try harder?? hehe..] eat i dun expect is xiang xiang pass wor.. haha.. joking lahz.. but he really dun seem that smart lohz =x ..

he log in to frenster le.. and i think he saw the msg i sen to him in frenster.. and he dun even borther to reply mi or msg in sms.. haiz.. hopless le.. numb too le.. tears couldnt come out le.. izzit i too disappointed le ne or tears dry le.. aiya.. isnt that the same ma.. haiz.. i really feel like breaking up with him because i dun like to hab something unclear.. worst is relationship.. haiz.. hope can meet him said break up thna see how will he react.. sunday take off juz because of him.. he sunday no work.. intent to go down and said lohz.. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE HU GO DOWN LEI?? i was wondering.. am i worst till he cant even like mi back.. am i that ugly.. am i that fat.. omfg.. feel liek killing him.. how old liao.. still like play this kind of thing.. stupid him sia.. wat he wan than juz said lahz. y muz left things unclear lei.. make mi feeling fuck up now..

feel like im hurting J like that wor.. or am i really making use of him to wake mi up in the morning =x?? haha.. joking lahz.. i also dunno.. we always toking on da phone at nite.. juz really like toking to him nor.. confuse feeling again.. haix.. y y y.. god.. are u playing with mi now.. are u.. i also dunno izzit god playing with mi now.. false hope again and again till make mi scared.. J.. u said that u chase ger 3 time oni and u are tired.. i also hab been given false hope for 4 times le.. i also scared le.. maybe juz like gambling.. when u hab the luck, u will win and win.. but if luck gone will lose and lose.. am i the same now?? luck gone now than maybe thats y i been having false hope and false hope again??

i really feel that i damn fucking flirt lei.. if im a person hu dunno a person and i read the blog this blog.. i will feel this person damn fucking cb de lohz.. haiz.. GOD.. DUN PLAY MI LE LAHZ.. PLS LAHZ.. IM SICK AND TIRED LE.. DUN MAKE MI SICK AND TIRED FOR SO LONG.. hao bu hao ne?? haiz..

feeling better le..

2004-12-15T20:54:00.000-08:00

feeling better le.. maybe too disappointed le.. no more tears coming out when he hurt mi.. numb le.. suan le.. im not gonna be the one hu is going to said break le..

well.. went to see mi fren de blog juz now.. than finally reliase that im not the oni one hu is stupid lohz.. lol.. he more stupid than mi.. but the gal is damn lucky lohz.. that guy is a yandao lohz.. and he love her so much.. yet, wat can i said.. my fren is stupid.. i can see tht the ger is making use of mi de fren lohz.. she write in her blog.. saying that my fren brought her a earring and necklace.. not cheap de hor.. not 3 for $10 de hor.. haha.. at leats cost more than hundren.. the ger ask 4 more.. she said she wan v200 and she knew that mi fren will buy 4 her.. omfg.. feel like slapping da ger.. few day ago they went to da beach and the ger said wanna rebond and my fren straight away book appointment.. BIAN TAI.. she is making use mi fren nia lohz.. fuck.. but.. wat can i do.. he love her.. thats their problem le.. cant pull mi fren back le.. than i will juz dun gib a damn..

ytd nite hab a chat with J and make mi so confuse.. haiz.. i dun wanna anyone hurt mi and i hab try my best not to hurt anyone.. and he also gg studying soon.. its best to concentrate one thing at a time.. i think i will take my time to find another relationship lohz.. feeling numb and tired and even starting to hate guys le.. i hope u understand.. for wat i think now.. is that even i can with a guy for 3 4 yrs lah.. i cannot make sure that the guy or mi wont change our love 4 each other lohz.. and will met better partner de lohz.. well.. anyway.. we are young.. haha.. we like tht not good meh.. u can always date mi out de ma.. juz dunno y u didnt.. haha..
starting getting cramp after sitting so long.. write another time ba.. bye

sad and confuse

2004-12-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

when i wake up, i tot that i pee on my bed lei than i went to toilet and see, is my stupid aunti come again.. last month come 3 weeks than let mi rest 2 weeks and come again.. haiz.. i think my aunti love mi too much le ba..

like i expected b4 i slp.. i didnt recieve his sms in the morning.. so disappointed.. but wat to do.. ll lohz.. haiz.. i was wondering.. should i go and find him and tok things out.. things hab becoming more and more worst.. i knwo he will angry.. he will think that i very posessive.. but wat to do.. he dun put in any effort at all.. well.. i know if i go down.. there is oni 2 choice oni..
1 ) break off
2 ) he will love mi more
i know the ans will be 1 but not 2.. dare not put hope.. if hope is higher, disappointment will be bigger.. haiz .. dunno lahz.. scared lata he dun wan meet mi or i will cry out.. hope that i wont cry on front of him ba..

2004-12-13T01:56:00.000-08:00

haiz.. stress.. no go work today cause ytd nite cry till this morning eye swollen.. go out with mi de ex class mate .. yi xiang and yew huat.. we went to ktv and i cry at there.. now than i knwo PAVILION also got ktv.. haiz.. went to shop and save wanna buy something to eat during the movie.. than happen yew huat make mi angry and i wanna kick him.. we once hab a fren call qi rong and i hab kick his little bro and is accidently one lahz.. haha.. than i wanna kick yew huat and he turn mi leg position and i hab step on my toe.. wow.. song lei.. damn pain lohz.. haha.. than we went to see saw.. it was disgusting but not nice.. haha.. shutter more nicer..

after movie.. i ask him [ bf ] whether wanna meet mi awhile oni lahz cause i gg slp at mi gf de home.. than he said he tired than nvm lohz.. i went to his hm outside.. luckily his dog nv bark.. haha.. than i saw his room light is still on and i call him 3 times.. he no ans.. and i sms him he also no reply.. do u know how i feel that that moment.. i feel like banging into his hm.. but i didnt lahz.. i juz went to my gf home..i was thinking.. maybe i can lie to myself said he slp anot liao lohz.. than see tml i wake up will see his sms anot lahz..

she said that she gonna meet a guy hu drive lohz.. than i juz acc her go lahz.. met the guy liao than i sit at the back of the car ma and his car very messy than i tidy up.. i was toking to julian at the phone and when i put 1 one my leg inside the car and he juz drove and make mi fall down and hurt my knee.. now got scare again -.-''' .. went to the beach and cry again for awhile and went back home..

am i really happy?

2004-12-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

ytd met him..and do nth.. i sense that we are diff from the past le.. i dun sense that he love mi.. y am i having this feeling.. he didnt reply my sms le... i rem the last sms he sent is when i reach home and i told him i go bath 1st.. and he reply.. " ok. bath finish le early slp " .. but i cant slp.. so decided gib him a call.. rang he up and he was playing games again.. feel like telling him .. u not sianz ar.. haiz.. tok abt 5 mins.. we hang up.. the last topic we said is whether did he mind mi fat anot lohz.. the he said he dun mind but if i dun let him go and slp now he will mind.. once again.. i thinking u siao ar.. wan go play game u tell mi.. haiz.. than i rem that i 4get tell him i need a morning call and sms tell him.. he also didnt reply.. i can 100% sure that he is not asleep lohz.. haiz.. than when i wake up.. the most scary things happen that i dun wanna it to happen hab happen.. i didnt saw his sms!! haiz.. is he avoiding mi?? am i thinking too much?? haiz

ytd tok to my fren till 2plus.. cry for half an hour.. eye damn swollen.. and the funniest part is he dunno y i cry.. juz feel like crying lohz =x hahaha

wanna know wat i can sense ma.. let mi treat it as a gamble ba.. i sense that aaron is avoiding mi.. soon he will said that he wanna a break off.. let mi see am i smart.. i dun wanna this to happen.. i really dun wan.. i juz wanna get his heart oni.. i dunno how long can i stand it.. i saw his hp keep his ex sms for a yr le.. do u know how jealous i am.. u dunno.. yet u said i thinking too much.. how u treat mi , there will be someone treating u back.. u really hurt mi once more again.. the hurt is as painful as we break up last time.. if u dun love mi.. than dun tell mi u love mi.. juz because u said thaty u still loving mi.. thats y i will take this gamble.. or else i wont de.. i really very tired le.. really very tired le.. if u really dun love mi but juz to get wat u wan.. u get it le.. let mi go ba.. it will make mi feel better.. pls.. the cut in my heart is really deep le.. dun make it deeper.. its painful.. u know anot?? juz tell mi u dun love mi le.. no matter how pain is the wound.. i can take it.. juz dun drag on if u dun love mi.. i really sick and tired le.. i rem when we juz patch back.. u told mi that we muz be more caring for each other than in the past.. but this word seem like mi do it de.. not u lei..

why why why.. give mi and him a month to try out ba..

2004-12-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

well .. ytd suppose to meet dear de but at ntie the nite i call him than he said he going to songka.. than i ask him wat time will he be back.. he said he will be early back home and meet mi.. when mi in bugis ard 10plus, i call him and his background like ktv like that.. than he said he bz.. nvm.. i sms him ask him izzit he at ktv, he sms mi siao ar.. he at pavilion and he going to watch movie later.. i was wondering.. wtf!! tot u wanna meet mi and u change ur fucking plan and u didnt tell mi.. i hab wish that i could said all this out but i couldnt.. wat to do.. like him too much le.. its not good at all.. i call him ard 2plus in the morning and ask him where is he.. he said he juz reach home.. again.. i was wondering.. wtf!! u finish ur movie u didnt even sms mi tell mi.. u think mi xiao mei mei 3 yrs old ar.. again.. i nv told him this.. ask him to gib mi a morning call at 8am.. again.. he didnt do it.. he said he also wake up late.. again.. i was wondering.. wtf again!! u wake up late than u dun need call mi wake up lahz.. haiz.. wat is he thinking.. i ask him izzit he use to it do everything without telling his ex.. he said he not used to hab a gf.. again.. wtf!! im not stupid ok.. i dun hab a place in ur heart.. i know it de.. but i dunno..

juz now when i after work, i sms him.. " tell mi honestly .. do u like mi ?? " he reply : " yes .. aiyo y u thinking so much " .. feel like fucking reply him that if u didnt do all this fucking shit i will like that think meh.. haiz.. meeting him later.. i know this wont last.. WINT!! WAKE UP.. U KNOW THE ANS LE.. heart pain so much.. damn hurt.. damn confuse.. once again.. FALSE HOPE.. fuck lahz.. i can go and bang the wall to go and die le lahz.. god!!! u wanna play mi till when.. y u didnt treat mi like this in the past yet now u playing mi.. u hab play enough le.. its time to stop le..

well.. still trying to cheer up myself by work and work and work.. today on the way back home, i even slp in the bus till over stop to interchange.. can see how tired i am hor.. ytd met up with hui shan and acc her through out the mrt.. so long no saw her le.. so miz her sia.. turn more and more chio le.. haha.. she dye hair.. i also wan.. nvm.. i got the chance de.. hehe..

wint is feeling confuse..

2004-12-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

today off.. slp till very suang ar.. hehe.. dun need so early wake up.. i wondering am i those kind of person putting down feeling very easily de ma.. haiz.. ytd call aaron [ the ex that i love the most even till now, although break up for 2 and half yr le, i still rem his hp number , his birthday and even how we know each other ] well.. ytd i juz wanna call him 4 a casual chat oni.. he said he is searching 4 mi but he cant find mi and he jio mi patch.. and i was shock.. i wanted to said yes but i scared i cannot take the hurt if one day we broke off lohz.. well.. everyone will change de.. u see mi.. from the past till now, i also hab change alot le.. he maybe also change too le lei.. well giving myself a chance to see how lohz..

i suddenly feeling very fucked up lei.. haiz.. i tot i can reject all guy all along le.. but i was wrong.. he brighten up my day.. i really love him.. he told mi.. we muz be more loving than in the past.. i was really feel liek crying.. but i control.. cry 4 wat sia.. haha.. too happy le ba.. when the day we broke up [ 2yrs plus le ] , i hab been saying that we will patch up one day de,, maybe 5 or 10 yrs later.. and the dream come true le.. haha.. so happy.. but i scared its a false hope.. my apperance also hab change alot le.. become fatter le.. scared he mind than later he wan a break off than how.. haiz..

in a relationship, i can said character is very important.. but looks is as important as character.. example.. if one day, u like this person.. and he is very fat and ugly but he has a good heart.. will u accept the person in bgr.. out of 100 , maybe 1 will said yes oni lohz.. this is thr fact im saying lohz.. dun need very yandao or very chio, average can le ma.. am i right.. wint wondering will aaron mind kai lee look liek that now??

i very scared.. i hab been telling myself.. so wat nw i hab a relationship.. how long can we last?? well.. i will treat it as a gamble.. there is couple together since they're young till married.. i will try my best to be a good gf.. i will treasure the time i spent with him.. i will treat it as a precious..

going to my massage liao.. u guys dun jealous hor.. hehe =p

me is feeling better .. hoping tml faster cum.. hehe..

2004-12-09T05:22:00.000-08:00

im juz back from work.. so tired.. ytd eat a little bit of seeds.. than lady boss angry.. than today morning, i work at 11.30am de.. than at 9.. my aunt call mi go back early work as lady boss was not in a good mood.. ll lohz.. i was still slping and didnt even really notice my aunt call mi.. than i went back to slp until 10am than wake up.. wake up le than rush to work.. than reliase that ytd nite de staff didnt put the chicken meat into the fridge and all spoilt thats y she in a bad mood.. and she even told mi aunt that she wanna sack mi.. siao char bo.. but in the end she still keep mi.. crazy..

was hoping tml to come faster.. tml i off.. hehe.. finally waited my off le lohz.. muhahahahaha.. my gf stay at mi hm tonite and tml after wake up, i going massage!!!!! haha.. back damn pain lohz.. worst still working hab to all the way stand even no customer is ard.. my leg cannot stand it le lahz.. very pain lohz.. but wat to do.. hab to work for money.. and BUY slimming pills!!!! haha.. i wanna slim down.. hehe.. after massage than going bugis to find my sister.. so long no see her le.. so miz them sia.. hehe.. after seeing my sister than i will go to ps and watch incredibles.. dun really wanna watch that show but mi fren wanna see.. after movie will go hm and by that time, i will be dead half life liao.. so be resting and saturday hab to work again =( .. hope tml plan can as usual go ba.. hehe..

wint is feeling sad..

2004-12-07T06:09:00.000-08:00

finally when i got back from work bro not at hm than i can use the com lohz,.. haben been slping nicely all this nite since i get back from KL.. ytd work le come back also 3am slp.. think i really gg be god le.. slp 4hrs, than whole day eat 1 curry puff oni.. i mean ytd lahz.. haiz.. at nite cry out still not feeling better..
for today.. went to work as usual without enough slp.. than at afternoon, he pass by the shop that i now work in.. see him le more sad and angry.. maybe not angry lohz.. is bu gan yuen.. haiz.. later mattew and sher coming down mi hm downstair and drink.. bian tai.. i haben wash my uniform lei.. too tired le.. later meeting them also until wat time.. haiz.. feel like drunk le than hab a ncie slp ba..